Remember me???

Okay, it's been way too long since I've posted anything on here, so I need to get back into the routine. I wish I could tell you that I've been really busy the past month working on some big project but it's really that life in general has just gotten in the way. Being a mom consumes more of my life than I ever imagined and I find it harder and harder to sit and do the little things anymore...I'm not complaining though...I love this detour that my life has taken.

Speaking of being a mom...I officially get the "bad mom" award of the week. Keely has had a cough since last weekend. She wasn't really acting sick or running a fever, but her cough got progressively deeper and sounded worse. I finally took her to the doctor yesterday. I actually thought I was being an overprotective mom by even taking her in. When I got there, they took her oxygen reading and their initial reaction was "we're going to have to admit her to the hospital."

Pause here for me to let you know the thoughts that ran through my head:
1. You've got to be kidding me
2. I haven't even showered today and now I'm going to have to spend the night in the hospital.
3. What kind of mom am I that I can't even tell when my child is struggling to breathe??

Well, after a lung xray and a breathing treatment, her oxygen level went way up so they did let us go home. For the next 2 days, though, we have to give her breathing treatments every 4 hours....which is especially fun in the middle of the night.

After 2 hours at the doctors office and running to the pharmacy and medical supply store, I came home and put Keely down for a nap and got a few minutes to myself. I felt really weird....I couldn't figure out if I was going to be sick or if I was tired or what. I just had this hollow, pit of my stomach feeling that felt strangely familiar. Then I remembered....this is how I felt on the day Kyle died. It's a weird mix of adrenaline and fear...that day it was from feeling blindsided by the loss of a good friend, yesterday it was the harsh reality that I can't protect my little girl from everything. I found myself wanting to watch her sleep, count her breaths...make everything better for her.

It also made me sad when I came home because this would have been a "Pastor Kyle" moment. Kyle was our good friend, but in moments of fear/sadness/insecurity he always knew the "pastorly" thing to say to make us feel better. Not the Christian cliches that you might here from other pastors, but the genuine, heartfelt sentiments that showed he honestly was experiencing life with you.

As of now, I think Keely is doing better (hard to say, though, considering I never really thought she was sick in the first place). I guess I just wanted to share because it is yet another day that left me wondering, "When will this get easier??..."